


Playing Dead

by Neuriel (Robin)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-15
Updated: 2005-05-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 11:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5003809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin/pseuds/Neuriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh, crap, he's dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to the Sheppard_n_Weir five-minute challenge, the first line being "Oh, crap, he's dead." This doesn't meet the requirements since it took over half an hour to write, but as it's done, I might as well post it.  
> Disclaimers: Neither Stargate Atlantis nor any of its characters belong to me.

"Oh, crap, he's dead."

"He's not *dead*, Rodney, just unconscious," Beckett corrected.

"Zed-Pee-Em, Zee-Pee-Em."

"You should not be so callous, Dr. McKay," came a severe, pointed voice. "After all, I believe it is *you* who are responsible for Major Sheppard's current condition."

"Don't be so harsh, Teyla," McKay returned, sounding injured. "How was *I* supposed to know that those fish had teeth and legs? What fish has *legs*, for God's sake? Besides, it's really all *Ford's* fault for saying we should catch them."

"Hey!"

A green eye slowly opened, glaring up at the voices that had disrupted his pleasant sleep, but soon closed again.

Having spotted the evil eye, Ford cajoled the entire body, "C'mon, Major Sheppard, we know that you're awake. It's time to get up."

"I don't think he'll be wanting to leave the infirmary any time soon," Beckett offered, amused. "Dr. Weir is in a right fit with him at the moment."

"Elizabeth *can* be scary," McKay agreed thoughtfully. "But she's pretty tame compared to Samantha Carter. Did I ever tell you about the time-"

"Yes," Ford cut in hastily. "Plenty of times, McKay."

"Oh." McKay looked disappointed, but then brightened. "What about-"

"Why is Dr. Weir upset with Major Sheppard?" Teyla interrupted, before McKay could launch into another story of fantastic and improbable events.

"You don't know?" Beckett asked, surprised.

Perplexed, Teyla (who had not gone on the mission) inquired, "Know what?"

The standing men shared a mutual, uneasy look, then turned their gazes toward the bed, where the major continued to fake sleep.

"Major Sheppard was supposed to bring back chocolate," Ford said, as if that explained everything.

At Teyla's unabated puzzled look, he added, "Dr. Weir's been craving it for days."

"Ahh," Teyla said, understanding finally dawning. "And Major Sheppard," she concluded, remembering the details from Ford's report, "was distracted from his mission by the colony of alien women, who wanted the fish that Lt. Ford suggested Dr. McKay catch."

McKay shrugged, and Ford nodded.

Lapsing into silence, the four went back to watching Major Sheppard.

Eventually, Beckett said, in a quiet, slightly reverent tone, "A pregnant woman with unfulfilled food cravings is not a pretty sight. I feel almost sorry for the major."

The major in question gave an involuntary shudder of fear before returning to his placid, play-possum state.

"Well, that's what he gets for knocking Elizabeth up," McKay said uncharitably. He quickly moved away from a sudden leg spasm, which just happened to afflict Sheppard's body at that exact moment.

Once a safe distance away from the bed, McKay grinned maliciously at Sheppard's now-still form and said, with positive glee, "Just wait 'til he finds out she's having *twins.*"


End file.
